Getting Over It.

In short version news, attempt no. 73 at learning to stop biting my nails is going pretty well and my new job is awesome.

In long version, I've been thinking and evaluating a lot lately.  I have two issues I've been dealing with and one of them I've sort of figured out and the other is just probably going to stick around for awhile.  The latter is just that I'm lonely and I apparently became a coward at some point.  I've been working on psyching myself up to making a move in a direction for a few weeks and no amount of support and logic seems to be enough to push me in that direction.  So, I think things are going to stay that way for awhile.  Maybe resigning myself to such a thing will irritate me enough that I'll break the pattern.

I've also been struggling with authority lately.  The sentence "Power does not equate knowledge and experience." comes to mind.  The overarching theme of that particular thought has plagued me for most of my life.  I'm always finding myself in situations where I think, why on earth are you in charge of this nonsense and did you even think before you started doling out orders that make no sense?  Normally, I'm pretty complacent in situations such as these just as long the person in question is nice or personable.  When you start making decisions that hurt or upset me or others, I pretty much fly off the handle internally. 

I've been stuck in this situation for the past two weeks and it's been making me miserable.  My friends have helped by allowing me to hash things out and stress and I didn't have to worry about rumours getting thrown about as a result.  Trust me, adding that to my already visible disdain would be the opposite of helpful.  The other bit that helped is me finally centering on the fact that knowledge and experience does not equate power.  We've all had those moments where we look at what's going on and say, "I could do this better.  My ideas make more sense," but the thing of it is that that's not what gets you in a position where you're in charge.  So, in this situation, I have two options: either get willing to play the local politics or shut up and deal with it.  Guess which option I'm going with...

Mixing Genres

Il semble que le mal ne cesse de mélange avec la bonne dernièrement. J'ai eu une magnifique soirée au sujet de joie qui vient de me suffit de faire face avec le reste de la semaine. Puis, j'ai entendu dire que je d'essayer été très difficile d'être gentil a quelqu'un était de parler de moi derrière mon dos. Vous savez, dans les pas belle façon manière. Je ne sais pas. Pourquoi feriez-vous que quelqu'un qui essaie d'être un ami? Sérieusement?

Compte tenu de mon histoire, quand j'étais beaucoup plus jeune et au cours des dernières années, je sais pourquoi je m'attarderai sur ce point. Je suis une personne auto-conscient. Je déteste que sur moi-même, mais c'est juste la vérité. Mon mécanisme d'adaptation de ces dernières années a été avoir un peu plus de personnalité à de satisfaire tout le monde et j'ai constamment me rappeler que ne tout le monde comme moi. Il est difficile de le faire, cependant. Je suis un peu déçu, mais je vais dormir et de porter un sourire dans la matinée.