As I am soon leaving this job, I'm going to share with you some of my favourite exchanges from my time in ye olde Computer Center.
At a job application website: "It's asking me for my resume; should I upload my resume or what should I do?" (Note: I am punctuating these sentences as I hear them in my head, but knowing this guy, there's no way in hell he'd think to use a semicolon.)
With the internet browser open on the screen: "How do I get to the internet?"
"Why is it deleting my browser history?"
"That's just something our computers do to erase any personal information you might've used while on the internet. It happens when you close the browser. It's just a security thing; don't worry about it."
"But I didn't close the browser, I just closed the window."
Thinking that browser did not equal internet in her brain, I said, "If you exited out of the internet, though, that thing is going to pop up."
"I didn't exit out of the internet."
Okay, maybe an actual error happened. "You didn't?"
"No, I just hit the red X."
(I cannot do this one justice in text, but I HAVE to write it down.)
At 5:30: "Hey sister, what time do y'all close?"
"We close at 6:00."
"Right! Man... Right! Man... Right! Man... Right! Man... Right! Man... Right! Man... Right! Man... Right! Man..."
(I wanted to see how long he would've gone on like this, but Daniel decided to say something to him. Damn!)
After maybe 3 nanoseconds of waving the card's barcode under the scanner light as though she were having a seizure: "I CAN'T GET THIS TO WORK WHY WON'T IT SCAN WHAT AM I DOING WRONG I NEED HELP IT'S NOT WORKING DO THIS FOR ME THIS THING NEVER WORKS AND I DON'T KNOW WHY AHHHHHHHHH!"
"How do I get to a webpage if it doesn't exist anymore?"
On the phone...on the quiet floor: "I'M AT THE LIBRARY SO YOU HAVE TO BE QUIET!"
(This one has nothing to do with IT, but it was pretty awesome. So, I work in a library, right?)
A mother to her child in the library: "Remember that place with all the books? I want you to go there."
(I feel like a jerk when I say stuff like this, but if I point at the screen, the try to touch the screen instead of using the mouse.)
"Where do I type in my pin?"
"In the box next to where it says 'pin'."
"Where do I scan my barcode?"
"Underneath the big arrow that says 'Scan Here'."
"What button do I press if I want a day pass?"
"You just touch that button that says 'Create a Day Pass'."
"I put in google in the address bar. Why won't it go to google?"
"Did you type 'www.google.com'?"
"No, I typed google."
After showing me one of those fabled emails from Prince Ahmud Jafar in Kenya or whatever: "Now, if I send him my bank account information, will anyone else be able to steal it from this computer? 'Cause this is a public computer, right? Is there some way we can delete this info after I send it to him?"