Cleaning 2010

I clean often.  I clean when I'm angry.  I clean when I'm bored.  I clean when people are coming over.  I clean when I'm stressed.  Once a year, however, I clean because it's what I need to do to survive the coming year...also because I am rarely bored, angry, or stressed during the Summer and my living space has likely hit an interesting stage of disarray.  Anyway, it so happened that this evening was when my internal clock went off and I cleaned as though my life depended on it.  This time I feel like detailing it...because now I'm bored and everything's already clean.  I...

• swept the floor.
• fought with the dustpan for a good ten minutes before using a piece of paper to pick up the floor debris.
• swept the rest of the floor debris out into the hallway.
• swore at the bugs that managed to get into my house because they're wrecking all my fruit.
• got some pictures printed and put them into a collage frame on the wall as I was recently told my walls are too bare.  :P
• got it in my head that I would finally clean my car.
• wasted through half a can of green works wipes cleaning the windshield and dash.
• bought some armour all wipes because the others left streaks all over my windshield.
• took my car to a car wash.
• noticed that the car wash did nothing to clean the outside of my windshield.
• luckily, have armour all wipes!  
• cleaned the outside windshield with armour all wipes.
• decided to clean out my trunk.
• organized all of the fireworks.
• restocked the first aid kit.
• recalled where I got all the orange cones from and wondered why I did that.
• threw out all the trash in the trunk.
• took all the stuff in the trunk from three moves ago into the apartment.
• decided to machine wash all of my camping gear.
• threw the fabric chair and indian blanket in the washer with some random clothes I found in the trunk.
• looked up instructions on the internet for cleaning a sleeping bag.
• thought about doing the dishes, but thought better on it.
• cleaned the bathroom sink.
• put all the dirty clothes in the basket in my closet.
• organized my shoes.
• fabreezed EVERYTHING.
• started to do the dishes.
• realized that I still don't have hot water in my kitchen.
• dragged a couple large buckets of hot water from my bathroom into the kitchen.
• ignored the dishes for awhile because that water was scalding hot.
• put the previous load in the dryer and wrestled my sleeping bag into the washer.
• vacuumed the rug.
• picked at the rug.
• lint roller-ed the rug.
• tried to vacuum the couch.
• picked at the couch.
• wondered where all this straw-substance came from.
• panicked when the washer started spazzing out and went into the laundry room to hug it in order to keep it from tremoring during the rest of the spin cycle.
• lint roller-ed the couch.  
• fought with the couch cover.
• nailed the couch cover in place.
• noticed that, for some reason, my sink still smells like bad milk.
• cleaned the sink.
• poured lots of water down the sink.
• poured soap down the sink.
• poured vinegar down the sink.
• bought some drano and poured that down the sink.
• tore out the contact paper under the sink.
• cleaned the cabinet under the sink vigorously on the off chance that that's where the smell's coming from.
• replaced the contact paper under the sink.
• fabreezed the contact paper under the sink.
• swore angrily at the sink.
• in a fit of rage, poured an odd concoction of hand sanitizer, fabreeze, lemon juice, and baking soda down the sink.  
• ignored the sink.
• put the sleeping bag in the dryer.  
• tried, in vain, to close the window again.  Why not?
• cleaned out the fridge.
• threw out the fruit that the stupid bugs ruined.
• contemplated bacon.
• realized that making bacon means contending with the sink again.
• ate a piece of string cheese.
• watered the plants.
• fed Ralph.
• had the living daylights scared out of me after coming face to face with a neighborhood cat that had been standing outside my window watching me clean.  
• more fabreeze.  This time the kind for the air.  They're different, you see.
• found a medical bracelet stuck to the wall and wondered why I made that decision.
• wondered if fabreeze could be bad for a person at some point.
• ran out of things to clean.
• wrote this ridiculous thing while waiting to take the sleeping bag out of the dryer.

Yeah.  I may or may not need a life.  N'night!